If this thing really does obey my commands, forget about what my friends will think, imagine how f***ing scared my enemies will be. They will rue the day they crossed me. In 6 to 8 weeks, you'll ALL be sorry. Everyone will flee in terror when they see me coming with a 7 foot tall alien-eye creature at my side. In fact who even needs friends anymore? Even they will be sorry they ever met me.
And it has a satisfaction guarantee, so if it doesn't work out like that, I will get my money back. I will get ALL of it back!