Saturday, May 29, 2010

My How You've Grown


Sometimes I shop at Urban Outfitters even though I actually live in the suburbs.

(they never check)

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Monday, May 17, 2010


I have a friend who likes to check out the Victoria's Secret mannequins at the mall. What a weirdo, right?

Personally I prefer the ones at Lane Bryant. Because I like my mannequins to have a little meat on their steel frames. If you know what I'm saying.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Twilight Sad

Salt Lake City, May 14, 2010

Monday, May 10, 2010

Thoughts On Nicholas Cage Fighting

- I think I heard he knows some Karate
- He was kind of tough in Con Air
- He was pretty funny in Raising Arizona
- I like him
- But I would kind of like to see him get punched in the face.
- He would probably be in the Welter Weight division.
- He’s kind of old.
- But I bet he’s pretty fast.
- If I got in a fight with him, I would talk a bunch of trash about how he was married to Elvis’ daughter.
- And how he is weird and talks funny.
- Baby Bry does a funny impression of Nicholas Cage.
- He’s all “Whoah… Mr President. I know about the book…
- It’s funny.
- I would also kind of like to see Baby Bry get punched in the face.
- Remember that movie Face Off?
- Oh man, the more I think about that movie, the more I want to see Nicholas Cage get in a fight.
- Maybe he could fight that guy who was Barbarino.
- I would want Nicolas Cage to win that one.
- But only just barely win.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Thoughts On Cage Fighting

- I am tired and I want to go to bed, but I always end up staying up another 2 or 3 hours watching this cage fighting stuff.
- I don’t know why these guys are fighting. They seem like they have a lot in common – same height, same weight class, both love mixed martial arts, both love tattoos. I feel like they should be able to work this out.
- I don’t like to see the champion lose because it’s got to be sad to have to give up that belt.
- I also don’t like to see someone lose to the champion because they must be disappointed to get so close just to lose.
- In fact I don’t like to see anyone lose because I just imagine their family is in the audience and they probably feel really bad about the loss.
- I like punching and kicking more than the Jujitsu wrestling stuff.
- But I do like a good triangle submission.
- I’ve been practicing triangle submissions on my kid and I am getting pretty good at it.
- Not many black guys cage fighting.
- But when they do I’ve never seen one lose.
- I hope my kid doesn’t want to do this when he grows up.
- I hope I don’t ever run into one of these guys because some just look like normal guys and I may accidentally say something smart assed to them.
- “Feather Weight Division” is a mean term.
- Even if you are the undefeated champion, if it’s in the Feather Weight Division, that’s still kind of emasculating.
- It’s like “You’re a really hard core guy… unless the wind blows you over.”
- These guys have weird ears.
- I don’t even like this, so why am I watching this?

Friday, May 7, 2010

Thursday, May 6, 2010


If I ever go to prison, I hope I don't have to share a cell with one of those guys who likes to clang his tin cup against the bars all night.

Or one of those guys who likes raping.