Tuesday, March 30, 2010

A Book Review: Sacred Or Secret?

When my grandmother died, a big box of books was put in front of me and I was told to take any I wanted. Because I am immature, I chose Sacred Or Secret?: A Parents’ Handbook for Sexuality and Guidance of Children. Copyright 1967. A couple days ago, I picked it up and began reading it.

Let’s see what we have here…

“Continued masturbation is, of course, a sign of major social maladjustment.”

Well of course!

“But it should be noted it is a sign, a symptom. It is a result of a cause, and if the behaviour is to be changed, this cause must be discovered and eliminated. For example, sometimes the cause is membership in a gang which practices masturbation.”

Wait. WHAT???

“As undesirable as self-abuse is, it does not quickly lead to insanity, or severe permanent physical or mental degeneration if it is stopped.”

Insanity? That sounds a bit extreme. In fact, I might even go so far as to call this masturbation fear mongering. It’s like what would happen if Glenn Beck was teaching a maturation class. Ugh. Let’s see what’s in some other chapters…

“Girls should also be taught to make proper disposal of the sanitary pad and not leave it around where others may see it. This is one matter in which women sometimes offend their husbands, who, while they may say little or nothing, may feel a revulsion toward their wives which may linger much to the detriment of the marriage.”

I love when authors talk about their personal problems as if they apply to everyone.

“Children who grow up selfish and spoiled may never feel satisfied in marriage. They may keep their marriage partners working and scheming frantically to supply ever greater quantities of the material goods upon which they have learned to depend for their happiness.”

Can’t you just see him glaring at his wife over the typewriter as he is writing this?

But this is all a bit heavy, I just need to know the basics for teaching my kids. Like what do I say when they ask where babies come from?

“Do not say "You came from mother's tummy." It is a misleading answer since "tummy" means stomach to a child. It confuses the child and he may come to believe that the baby got there because the mother swallowed a seed and that children are born through the rectum.”

Is that really the natural conclusion? I didn’t think about baby seeds and ass births when I was told babies are in tummies as a child, but I guess I didn’t really think it all the way through.

This book is insane. I recommend it to everyone.

9 comments:

  1. I assume the phrase, "major social maladjustment" is a euphemism for, "Can't convince an actual girl to touch you."

    Oh and dear heavens....I normally hate people who tell you what their word verification to post says. However, mine is 'no grab' I always thought those were randomly generated, but now I am not so sure. There has got to be a super geeky computer god kicking around making cleverly appropriate verifications. So yeah- no grab....words to live by. And every time you do, Santa kills a puppy.

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  2. Wait, we weren't ass birthed?

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  3. Gonna have to watch the DI for this one.

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  4. Hehe. I lost a follower after posting this post.

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  5. Did she define "Continued"?

    What if you stop for an hour or two every four-and-a-half-minutes-or-so?

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  6. “Do not say "You came from mother's tummy." It is a misleading answer since "tummy" means stomach to a child. It confuses the child and he may come to believe that the baby got there because the mother swallowed a seed and that children are born through the rectum.”

    When two people in love share a burrito bowl at chipotle, that's where food babies come from.

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  7. My husband and I are laughing to the point of tears. Seriously, I can't breathe!

    Also, I think my parents may have had this book at one point.

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  8. laughed so hard I cried at this one!!!

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