On The Subject Of Bee Beards

You know sometimes I get sick and tired of hearing women complain about bee beards. I just think it’s lame when they get all superficial about this kind of thing. I mean come on ladies. Not every guy is going to be a Doctor McDreamy or a Doctor McSteamy. Some guys are bald, some guys have facial hair, and some guys have bees on their face (Doctor McStingy). And I'd like to hope you ladies wouldn't get all hung up on what kind of beard a man has or doesn't have.

I mean, how do you feel about them? Would you date a guy who had a bee beard? What about a yellow jacket mustache? Or a wasp soul-patch? A hornet goatee? Because if you say no, you may be missing out on one of the sweetest, most perfect guys you’ll ever meet just because of something superficial like that.

I'm happy to say that I for one, am not that shallow. I once dated a girl who had a ladybug unibrow – in fact, she was my first true love.

At least I think it was a ladybug unibrow. It may have just been one of those little red dots (she was an Indian).

But we weren’t together long enough for me to find out for sure… She ended up breaking it off with me because of my cockroach sideburns.

And yeah, that is understandable, but it still hurt.

Even years later, it still sometimes hurts.

But not as much as the time one of my sideburns tried to burrow into my ear.

That was excruciating!