Variations On A Theme

Killer Whale vs...Great White Shark, Great White Bear, Great Jack White

I Know All There Is To Know About The Crying Game

Well maybe not all there is to know.

But I did read the Wikipedia article.

Soft Drink Titles

When I first met Pibb, we were on much more formal terms.

Fear

Some people are afraid of snakes.

And some people are afraid of ghosts.

But everybody is afraid of snake ghosts.

Sometimes I Feel Like I Am Living A Lie

Because although my pants say "Wrangler" on them, the truth is, I have never wrangled in my life.

I don't even know how to wrangle.

They were just on sale.

Got Genious?

All images found by doing Google searches for "got + (random word)". It's a fun game.

Too Big???

The other night my wife was telling me about a lady she works with and she said “She has really big boobs. You know like when boobs are just too big?”

What?

Sometimes I have no idea what the hell that woman's talking about.

Reading Rambo

"I didn't do anything!"
"but don't take my word for it..."

Asian Duo

I was thinking about starting an Asian gang.

But the problem is I only know two Asian guys.

Maybe I'll just start an Asian duo.

Helpful Advice

When you meet your new neighbor who just moved in across the street and he tells you that he has a seventeen year old daughter, DO NOT ask him which window is hers.

Because he is most likely going to take it the wrong way and get all upset over nothing.

Besides, that's easy enough to find out yourself.

My Favorite Actor

Garret Dillahunt - The 4400, Deadwood, The Road, The Book of Daniel, Life, No Country For Old Men, The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford, Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, The Road, and more...

I Wonder...

I wonder if people are always getting Sting the singer and Sting the wrestler mixed up? Like maybe Sting the wrestler is bouncing checks at a restaurant and then Sting the singer tries to pay with a check, the waiter says that his manager won't let them take checks from Sting anymore. And even though Sting the singer has never been there before, he can’t really argue about it because it’s hard to convince them that they are confusing him with another guy when Sting isn’t really that common of a name.

And if that's the case, then I wonder if Sting the singer has to avoid attending wrestling matches because maybe one of the wrestlers might be told to go out there and body slam Sting - and if that wrestler doesn’t think to confirm specifically which Sting he should body slam, it could be a real problem.

And I wonder if there is ever a domestic dispute and the neighbors accidentally call Sting and Andy Summers and Stewart Copeland.

And I wonder if people always ask Sting the singer if he wrote Roxanne and he says "yes I did" and then the person says “I love that movie”.

And I wonder if people always ask that wrestler The Ultimate Warrior, “hey are you the Penultimate Warrior?” and he has to correct them and say “No, I come after that guy”.

And I wonder if people always ask that wrestler Triple H if he will tow their car for them.

45s I Purchased In San Francisco Last Week

I wish they had record stores in Utah like that.

Sleepover

When I was a kid we would have sleepovers where we would wait until one of the kids fell asleep and then we would dip his hand in warm water to make him pee himself. Then one time we boiled some water on the stove and put this one kid's hand in it and he did a little more than pee himself (if you know what I mean). Plus he had third degree burns on his hand and had to get a skin graft.

It was so funny!