My How You've Grown

Shopping

Sometimes I shop at Urban Outfitters even though I actually live in the suburbs.

(they never check)

My How You've Grown

Mannequins

I have a friend who likes to check out the Victoria's Secret mannequins at the mall. What a weirdo, right?

Personally I prefer the ones at Lane Bryant. Because I like my mannequins to have a little meat on their steel frames. If you know what I'm saying.

Twilight Sad

Salt Lake City, May 14, 2010

Thoughts On Nicholas Cage Fighting

- I think I heard he knows some Karate
- He was kind of tough in Con Air
- He was pretty funny in Raising Arizona
- I like him
- But I would kind of like to see him get punched in the face.
- He would probably be in the Welter Weight division.
- He’s kind of old.
- But I bet he’s pretty fast.
- If I got in a fight with him, I would talk a bunch of trash about how he was married to Elvis’ daughter.
- And how he is weird and talks funny.
- Baby Bry does a funny impression of Nicholas Cage.
- He’s all “Whoah… Mr President. I know about the book…”
- It’s funny.
- I would also kind of like to see Baby Bry get punched in the face.
- Remember that movie Face Off?
- Oh man, the more I think about that movie, the more I want to see Nicholas Cage get in a fight.
- Maybe he could fight that guy who was Barbarino.
- I would want Nicolas Cage to win that one.
- But only just barely win.

Thoughts On Cage Fighting

- I am tired and I want to go to bed, but I always end up staying up another 2 or 3 hours watching this cage fighting stuff.
- I don’t know why these guys are fighting. They seem like they have a lot in common – same height, same weight class, both love mixed martial arts, both love tattoos. I feel like they should be able to work this out.
- I don’t like to see the champion lose because it’s got to be sad to have to give up that belt.
- I also don’t like to see someone lose to the champion because they must be disappointed to get so close just to lose.
- In fact I don’t like to see anyone lose because I just imagine their family is in the audience and they probably feel really bad about the loss.
- I like punching and kicking more than the Jujitsu wrestling stuff.
- But I do like a good triangle submission.
- I’ve been practicing triangle submissions on my kid and I am getting pretty good at it.
- Not many black guys cage fighting.
- But when they do I’ve never seen one lose.
- I hope my kid doesn’t want to do this when he grows up.
- I hope I don’t ever run into one of these guys because some just look like normal guys and I may accidentally say something smart assed to them.
- “Feather Weight Division” is a mean term.
- Even if you are the undefeated champion, if it’s in the Feather Weight Division, that’s still kind of emasculating.
- It’s like “You’re a really hard core guy… unless the wind blows you over.”
- These guys have weird ears.
- I don’t even like this, so why am I watching this?

Olmos

Prison

If I ever go to prison, I hope I don't have to share a cell with one of those guys who likes to clang his tin cup against the bars all night.

Or one of those guys who likes raping.